Meaning of the piece
In his piece titled “The Pualup Fair”, Adam is writing in response to a prompt asking him to write about the best day of his life. There was obviously more time and purpose put into this piece of writing (more so than the other pieces he shared) and it is clear that this was a very important day to Adam. Prior to writing the four-paragraph essay, he used a graphic organizer to aid him in developing his story. This graphic organizer can be found on the first page attached to his essay. Adam explains this day with excitement, saying the dragon tattoo he got was “slick” and explains his attempt at a basketball shoot out as, “It was in the air! And…MISS!” Most importantly to Adam, he shared a few details about his very first concert, which he attended this same day. “Everyone was loud when it started. The first guitar sting being plucked.”
6 Traits Assessment
In Adam’s writing sample, he writes about a topic that is narrow and manageable, writing about a single most favored day. While he is able to pick out three aspects of his day that were most important to him, there are some details lacking to support these main ideas. For example, Adam writes about his first experience at a concert and says, “It was great! The most fun I have ever had.” Although, he does not share further supporting details behind these statements and therefore the reader does not know why the concert was so great. On the other hand, when sharing his other two favored aspects of the day (his dragon tattoo and basketball shoot out) he gives almost too many details. Adam notes word for word the conversations that were exchanged but does not share his thoughts or feelings about these experiences.
Looking at the organization of Adam’s writing, he draws the reader in from the start by saying, “It was 2009 and I was very excited.” He closes his writing by answering a question he raised in his opening paragraph, bringing the piece full circle but still leaving the reader with a desire for more explanation. The sequencing of his writing makes sense as the story is written in sequential order of the days’ events. Transitions, on the other hand, are sometimes unclear as to how the story jumped from one place to the next. The pacing of the writing is also somewhat uneven; sometimes he goes into too many details that do not relevant and does not move on, and other times more details are needed for the reader’s understanding (as described above when talking about ideas).
In relation to voice, Adam does not use many personal details to describe his day at the fair. Instead he relies on the added dialog between himself and the other people in his story. The dialog lacks details and is constantly back and forth. For example he writes, “‘Which one of you wants to go first?’ he asked. ‘Me’ I said. ‘What is your name?’ he asked. ‘Adam’ I said.” Adam’s feelings and thoughts are often missing in his story and are only present in his opening and closing paragraphs. It is almost as if his supporting paragraphs are simply a retelling of a day without the main character’s internal thoughts. There is purpose in his writing but it is not compelling.
Adam rarely attempts to use descriptive words in his writing; descriptors are only in the opening and closing paragraphs and the first sentence of his first supporting paragraph. It says, “After the augsausting (exhausting) ride, we finally got to the fair.” After this, adjectives and adverbs are missing from his writing, leaving the language dull. Adam sticks to basic and familiar words to communicate. Although the language is not exciting, the words do support the meaning.
Most of this piece does not invite expressive oral reading, as there is little cue for the reader to know the feeling behind the text. Dialog is strictly back and forth and feeling is lacking. Not all sentences begin the same way; therefore, there is variety in the structure and length of his sentences. Incomplete sentences leave the reader looking for clues in surrounding sentences to understand meaning. For example Adam writes, “Excited for one reason and one reason only.” Who is excited? Additionally he writes, “And will never forget it.” Forget what? Who will never forget? Although his sentences do not seem artfully put together, the piece as a whole does contain meaning.
Adam’s spelling is usually correct, and when it is not correct it is usually phonetically correct. For example he titles this story “The Pualup Fair” instead of “The Puyallup Fair”. This was a great attempt for a difficult word! Sentences usually begin with capital letters. There are some errors found in his ending punctuation; this is mostly seen with his use of dialog. For example he writes, “‘Hello boys!’. he said.” Here he adds an additional unnecessary period after the quote. Errors in grammar are not frequent, and when they are present they do not distort meaning. The use of paragraphing is present. Although, he combined his last main idea and the closing paragraph together, where he should have added another paragraph for his closing.
Ownership
Adam shared with me that he enjoys writing. When he is writing on his own he prefers to write and illustrate his own comics and fictional stories. In school, Adam prefers assignments that allow him to write about his own life. When asked about his writing abilities, Adam said, “I am a pretty good writer but I don’t think I have good handwriting.” From his description of himself, and after reading his writing, it seems as if he would enjoy the freedom to write more creative pieces when he is not being judged or graded. When he has to write for an assignment he seems to prefer to write or simply retell a personal experience, not having to think outside the box for further creativity.
Spelling
According to the spelling inventory I gave Adam, and according to Bear et. al., Adam would fall in the middle intermediate to early advanced reading and writing stages. Given the words he spelled incorrectly, he needs more practice on syllables and affixes as well as derivational relations. For example, when attempting to spell “opposition”, he wrote “opposion”. This at tells me that he was unaware of the syllables present and the appropriate affix for this word stem. Similar patterns are seen in the other words he spelled incorrectly like “celler” and “confidend”.
Lesson Plan
Rationale
I have chosen a small group lesson that teaches the concept of voice in writing. A specific voice is missing in Adam’s writing, as seen in the assessment of voice in his writing above. With an improvement in voice, I believe Adam will also be motivated to improve his word choice and become more intentional about his sentence structure. Additionally, Adam enjoys writing fiction at home so I wanted to give him an opportunity to do so (with some structure) at school. Finally, the concept of voice is something that most sixth grade students need to develop, which would make this a great small group lesson. The lesson is a three part lesson because voice is hard to teach in one block period.
Objectives
1. Students will be able to understand voice and how it is created in a piece of writing.
2. Students will be able to create a piece of writing that incorporates strategies that demonstrate an understanding of voice in writing.
Standard(s)
EALR 3.2.1 Applies understanding that different audiences and purposes affect writer’s voice.
Writes in a characters voice (e.g., retells a story using the point of view and voice of a
character in the story; explains a historic event in the voice of a participant in that event).
Assessment
1. Teacher will assess students’ understanding of voice and how it is created in a piece of writing by listening to group discussion and listening for accurate connections between voice and how it is demonstrated in a piece of writing.
2. Teacher will assess student’s ability to create a piece of writing that incorporates strategies that demonstrate an understanding of voice in writing by looking at the student’s piece of writing and looking for carefully chosen and arranged words that clearly reflect the character’s age, personality and point of view. Teacher will also look for sentence length and structure that is varied in such a way that all sentences connect naturally to the character.
Materials
3-6 copies of Voices in the Park by Anthony Browne
7 copies of the Character Analysis Chart (Attached)
Writer’s Notebooks (For student brainstorming and first drafts)
Instructional Strategies
DAY 1
Begin the lesson by doing a shared reading (Routman, 2003, Ch.9) of Voices in the Park by Anthony Browne with the small group. After reading the book, begin a discussion about voice in writing by calling attention to the four voices in this story. Make sure to talk about why voice is important in writing, who the voice in a piece of writing usually represents (the writer), what voice does (gives one point of view), and how it is used (to show a particular set of attitudes that allow the reader to hear the words spoken in their head). Then, discuss the facts in the story – the things that stay the same from character to character.
Assign one voice from the story to each student in the group and pair them up with another student with the same assigned voice. Hand out the Character Analysis Chart and think aloud to demonstrate how to use the chart with the first voice. Students will use the text and pictures to determine facts and personality traits about their assigned character. Encourage students to find multiple supports for each of their claims; emphasizing that textual support is needed. The teacher will check in with each pair to see if they are all able to be successful with the assignment or if they need additional guidance. This would be considered guided practice as described by Routman.
After each pair is done, the teacher will have students share out their ideas with the whole group.
The teacher will focus the discussion on each character’s personality and supporting assertions with evidence from both the text and the illustrations.
DAY 2
Recall the previous day’s lesson on voice with the small group students. Then, begin the discussion on how voice is written into a story or essay by looking at strategies that Browne used in Voices in the Park. Questions to raise: Does all writing have a voice? How does sentence length vary from character to character? Sentence structure? Word choice? Word order, etc.?
As a group, brainstorm situations in which there may be more than one point of view. For each situation, include a list of the various “voices” that may be involved. For example, an argument out on the playground could include the bully, the victim, the recess guard and the principal.
As a group, decide on one situation that the group will write a story for. Have students list the “facts” of the story—what will definitely happen regardless of whom is telling the story. Students will choose one of the possible voices and, in their writer’s notebooks, brainstorm how they will make their character’s voice clear.
DAY 3
Students will spend time writing their part of the story. When completed, students will assist each other in revisions to improve the voice of the character in their writing. When writing is complete, students will read their pieces to the group to show the “complete” story of the chosen situation written from all points of view. Students will celebrate their writing, as suggested in Routman (Routman, 2005, Ch.2).
